Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
