Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
