I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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