turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
