Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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