i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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