He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
