I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
