East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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