Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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