if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
