someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
someone owes me an orgasm
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
