She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
