Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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