what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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