i would punch a child for taco bell
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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