I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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