so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
