What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
