ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
