Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
