Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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