she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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