my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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