My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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