He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
