So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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