Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize