Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
