i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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