I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
