dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize