Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
