Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
