I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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