That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
