His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
