I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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