oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
