So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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