a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
