ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
