Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
