Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have feelings that need drinking.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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