We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
