hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
