I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is the high leading the old right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
