I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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