And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
