Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
