i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
