he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
