If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
