Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
