I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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