i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
