new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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