i jhust puked up my retainher.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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