trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
