I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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