Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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