So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
