HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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