ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
