also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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