You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
