i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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