I just saw a hot homeless man
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
