just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
