i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
