yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
