I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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