Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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