I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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