dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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