:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
